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pushin up black roses...   
11:38pm 30/07/2009
  cant beleive im actually writing in here. I never knew how loud silence could be. I swear im going deaf. i wish i knew what i needed in my life to not feel this way all the time. i really wish i had some cold beer in the fridge. i hope that tommorow night, a bottle of wine has my name written allll over it. because seriously, i need it.  
answer these please ori will kill you : )   
12:47pm 10/10/2008
  If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine ... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!
Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

02) What was your dream growing up?

03) What talent do you wish you had?

04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

05) Favorite vegetable?

06) What was the last book you read?

07) What zodiac sign are you?

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.

09) Worst Habit?

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.

16) Do you have any pets?

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18) What was your first impression of me?

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22) What color eyes do you have?

23) Ever been arrested?

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?

28) Do you believe in ghosts?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30) Do you swear a lot?

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

34) Favourite and least favourite food?

35) Do you believe in God?

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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11:32pm 16/07/2008
  hey livejournal! whats up? does anyone read this still? well if so, how are you? im doing okay, saw the new batman tonight and it was totally amazing! i want to have sex with it. other then that, all i do is work work work work work! but i have no money. how strange is that?! you would think i was into drugs or something. well other than that, life is good i guess. dont really see my friends anymore, makes me lonely. partially my fault.

well just letting all my friends now that i love you and miss you.
im at my moms house right now and shes watching hostel and screaming because shes a pussy.
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06:34pm 23/04/2007
  what up sluts!

no i did not die.
i just dont usually write anymore.
but today its beautiful out and i just got out of work, and im in a good mood i guess.
im getting ready to move to everett. me and matt. i am so stoked. its a 2 bedroom which is alot more room then i have now. cant fucking waittt!!!!! i dont know, nothing cool or interesting to say. so peaceout of bitches.

<3 Katie

who reads these anymore anyway?
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02:24am 27/10/2006
  i am really ripshit. i come home from work around 12 just to waltz into my apartment, and find out that its raining in my apt. like water pouring from the ceiling. the rugs are ruining, along with the water stained walls. im just so happy that it didnt get on any electronics, it just ruined 2 rugs that i bought. im so sad. i wish it didnt happen. my landlord came down here for 10 minutes and said hed be back, but instead he went to bed. i understand that he was tired but what the fuck am i supposed to do?!the rug is soaked, and half of my clean clothes are.

i am very angry.
02:27pm 19/09/2006
  i am really pissy and miserable right now.
my day off and im sitting on this fucking computer going crazy.
why dont i just work my life away. at least id be happy there.
i cant stand bieng alone right now.
i need some damn friends.

please please.
06:53pm 04/08/2006
  i am such a loser.
ive had 4 days off in row, and did absolutely nothing.
i hate myself.
hopefully for just today.
because i want this feeling to go away.

i wish someone would just come to my house unexpectedly and sweep me away from all these negative thoughts. but i know its never going to happen. i want to drink the day away. get so shitfaced i might feel better. but i promised matt id come get him. and ive learned my lesson with drunkdriving. im all set.

i want my baby to come home from work. so i can feel a little better.
06:32pm 26/06/2006
  im happy right now. and sad.

im 90 percent sure that i have a nice studio apt, 2 houses down from matts. its a really nice price and everything is already included. and i really want to start living on my own. and stop taking advantage of matts parents. i just want to decorate! you have no damn idea how badly i want this. ive been waiting!! watching HGTV did this to me. hahah

on the other hand, my mother was sober for a month, and then on friday she called me shitfaced. and i she wasnt even worth talking to.

blah blah blah.

im going for a bike ride.
because im that cool
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03:06am 28/05/2006
  hello motherfucking bitches!
whats shakin? so ive been a loner the last couple of weeks, just working my ass off at shitty Uno's makin some pretty pennies. and saving that shit. Me and Matt bought a bike yesterday. its amazing.

i dont really have much to say.
i get my liscense back July 11th.
so thats good.

whats going on with you guys?
i miss you.
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12:17am 22/04/2006
  eating cream of wheat with sugar, and not raisins, is what im doing right now. matt is sitting on my right saying im a bitch because his name wasnt in the first sentance. right now i want him to give me a back massage and maybe a lil vagina rub. i know you ladies want that too!!

but seriously, i got a new job. at Unos, so you should come visit and give me lots of tips so i can save money to get a new car, since my raper van has been sold. also, i dont want to live at"home" anymore. get me out of here!!! i want to be walking around naked and let my vagina flap its wings. on a side note, ive been growing my pubic hair, for like the last month. and its getting curly, and it looks like a catterpillar. you want to touch?!!! yeaaa! matt likes it though. he flosses his teeth daily if you know what i mean.

so how is everyone? and i know what i said was gross, but thats me, and if you dontlike it, suck a used tampon. mine prefferably. im full of vitamins!!

well im outs of this shit!!!!!
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06:31pm 30/03/2006
  i am sad. lonely. disgusted. hateful.
all these emotions spilling through my head.
i feel an ache. somewhere invisible.
that i dont know how to get rid of.

why cant i feel at peace!
my mind doesnt stop racing.
am i that sick?
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03:24pm 25/03/2006
  i am very sad today. i have work in an hour and that is the last place i want to be right now. im getting sick of Fridays. you get no recognition, your just another person to them. unless you suck ass. Id rather find a closer, better job.

I had many disturbing dreams today. i wish i had enough time to elongate. maybe later. till then, im off to slave away to dirty americans with no perosonality.

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12:21pm 18/01/2006
  turns out DUI class never put me on the schedule. so im screwed once again. what the shit.
and i guess it costs over 555.00. doesnt look like ill be getting my liscense back in the near future.
whats the deal! why me? every damn day. something has to happen. and i dont even do anything bad.
stephanie fucking pray for me! god, stop shitting on me.
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12:08am 03/01/2006
what should be my new years resolution?
losing wheight is too cliche.
i want to become a stronger person, stick up for myself, and dont let other peoples feeling get in the way. all my life, ive been this weak person. always doing things for people. but 2005, i just gave up. i was like "fuck that. i dont have friends. who needs friends when you have yourself." i was wrong, very wrong. i need someone to be there for me. always. i just dont know who to trust. i trust 4 people only. others just bring me down too much. and these 4 seem to be drifting.

i know this friend.
who changed way too much.
and i feel like i dont even know the person anymore.
and i hate that person for it.

i wish it was summer.
so i can go to the ocean.
and swim, and swim, and swim.
it makes everything seem so much sunnier.

but its 2006, and ive made my resolution.

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02:04am 25/12/2005
  i am ashamed. im not prepared for christmas, and im a big mess.
this holiday is nothing but full of selfishness. i honestly would be content with getting nothing. i am sleeping home tonight. i have not done this in months. this may sound corny, but i miss matt already. and its only been 4 hours. i think im getting bad. attachment is dangerous.

i hate my ways. the way i never see friends. the way i feel gross everytime i look in the mirror. the way everything i do makes me seem like a huge loser who doesnt give a shit about myself.

i just want to be happy within myself.
i want to look in the mirror and not change 10 times.
i am full of jealousy.

well merry xmas.
be safe.
02:56am 04/12/2005
  here i am, drinking coors light. listening to shitty xmas music.
but there is so much more then this .
why cant i live life to its potential.
i am 20 years old, not 35. i deserve a chance to live a little.
instead of looking for a way out. i need more adventures.
with more people that care about me.
because these days i dont know what to beleive.

everyone leaves.
i think i have an isolation problem.
04:37pm 28/10/2005
  ive become someone different. just an angry individual.
at work. hanging out with friends. sitting in my room.
i hate this anger inside of me. i dont know what is wrong.
its nothing drastically serious. but i need it to stop.
it makes me feel alone. and hated. i wish i could be a better friend.
to you, and to myself.

lately ive just been down on myself.
i just feel terribly fat. ughh.
and that im not worth the time.

i seriously just want my friends back.
eric kim stephanie sarah welch hilary.
i need you guys.

i dont let out my feelings very often.
and when i do, i wish i didnt.

tell me, do you miss me?
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06:46pm 22/10/2005
  to whomever it may concern:

im so sick of this bullshit. day in and day out. i seriously do not want to hear "i miss you" from anyone. you say you miss me along with the other 500 people. it doesnt mean shit to me. you dont call me or even try to talk to me. remember, you moved away from me. im still in this fucking shithole.

im so fucking angry right now.
and i seriously want to kill my soul.
its fucking dead.

i wish i was like everyone else, fucking solve my problems with a fucking prescription bottle.dont fucking tlak to me. i swear i will say and do anything i can to take all this fucking anger out of me.

i will regret this by the end of the night.
but i dont care right now.

this is not meant towards everyone.
05:13pm 21/10/2005
  i never really wanted anything growing up.
and i honestly still feel the same.
i used to bend backwards for people.
now im on my own.
ive learned a lesson the hard way, and for some reason, i feel i will never be loved by anyone, the way i want to be loved.

if love could be summed up into a short sentance, or even a long novel, There will still be something missing. We all love for different reasons.

i should just leave things alone.
let them be.
but for some reason, i cant.
02:13am 20/10/2005
  i just wanted to thankyou caitlin for caring about me so much. I think about my old friends everyday, and smile with the fact that i shared alot of moments with you. Thankyou.